(via antwans)
(Source: bennyshap, via letswastetimechasincars)
Anonymous asked: i just want to have a sleepover with you
naaaah, ya don’t. I’m boring at sleepovers. I’m always the first to fall asleep. Which means I’m always the one who wakes up with a permanent marker penis down on her face.
at this moment
I realized how drastically everything around me is changing. My sister has officially moved out, my brother and I never talk, and my best friend will be gone at the end of August. I know that my sister and I work together and I’ll still see her everyday, and my brother is just in his “teenage angst” stage right now and that it’ll pass, and my best friend and I will be that way wether we don’t speak for 2 days or 2 months, but nothing is going to be the same. I can’t just call my sister and say, “Hey, when will you be home, I’m bored!” and I can never say silly, funny things around my brother anymore because he’s just so mean to me, and my best friend will be so busy with school and meeting mew people and going out and having the time of her life and forget about ONE person back home. I’m not sure I can handle all these things at once. It’s not even like I have a boyfriend to keep my mind off of it all, either. I sometimes wonder how different would everything be had a made a few different choices after graduation. If I had never met John, where would I be? If I had told John I was going away to college after graduation instead of just NCC, where would I be? If I hadn’t focused more on a full time job instead of my schooling, where would I be? I hear all my friends talk about their college lives, and I envy them SO much for it. I feel a little pathetic that the three more important people to me are living their lives the way they want to, and here I sit; still at home, not going to school, at a job that makes me miserable, and I’m only 20. I should have been away at a school meeting new people, getting into trouble, staying up till 3 am cramming for an exam….but I didn’t. And now that everyone else is moving on and doing what I want to, I feel scared. I’m so afraid I’ll never go to the school I want now and I’ll be stuck at this shitty job forever. I’m also scared that if I DO go back to school, I’ll completely fail at it. What really sucks is that I KNOW I’m a smart girl…smarter than most, and I have no problem admitting it; my problem is that I can’t leave the people I love. I let the fact that I love them so much hold me back. I let John hold me back from going away because I loved him. I let my mom hold me back from moving far away because I was scared and loved her too much to do anything drastic. I let my sister hold me back by letting her move into my apartment because I loved her so much I was scared what would happen without someone else there with me. I let my brother hold me back acting like myself because I love him so much I never want to embarrass him or hate me for being who I am, since all he ever does it make fun of me or get mad at me for just TALKING. My best friend is the only one out of anyone who’s been here for me though THICK AND THIN (and I really mean that when I say it, because I did some shitty stuff and she’s never left my side) and now that she’s leaving, I feel like I have no one. Maybe I’m being over dramatic right now…who knows. Either way, I know that this all hurts me deep down, and there isn’t any thing I can do to stop it. I just wish I was able to adapt to changes as well as everyone else in my life is.
(Source: tropicana-mango, via letswastetimechasincars)
blondie
(Source: captainmorgan28)
no make up face.
tried so hard to take a nap in the kitchen and no one would let me.
